Not Being

I haven't been able to get on Blogger for a long time. That is the reason for the sparse post.

That out of the way I need to get some things off my chest. This is the perfect place to do it because NO ONE even looks at this blog.

The people I'm working for are tards! Sorry Bobby I told you I wouldn't use that word but there you have it. In truth it's just one guy being a tard. the companny is changing for the better and he just can't handle it. He can't see how is leadership style is the only thing holding his area back. If only he would pull the stick out and show some support.

There needs to be some leadership changes. We have had one guy leave, but that was for the better. Now I'm thinking that some new blood wouldn't be that bad of a thing. I'm really thinking about changing areas so that I can work with someone that understands the nature of the beast. This is all stupid.

At least Ihave some good music to listen too.

It's happening again

I'm breaking again. It is getting heavy. I have pushed almost everyone away. She is the only one left. I just pushed really hard.

I'm cracking again. It is getting old. I have shaken both fists at the skies. She is the only one left. I just shook really hard.

I'm dying again. It is getting cold. I have grabbed at the peices. She is the only one left. i just grabbed really hard.

I Was Dead Once

I was dead once. It was the oddest feeling in that it did feel any different that I feel right now.

For years I was dead, walking with other dead people, and talking with other dead people. Sometimes theses other dead guys would try to pass themselves off as alive. Some guys would wear cologne to mask the smell of death. Other guys would wear new clothes ontop of the old rags they where buried in. Me, I tried to find someone alive...just one person.

I looked for a long time. I saw a really good friend of mine get fooled. He thought he found someone alive but she turned out to be as dead as he was. He was so hurt that he aviods people that are alive. He is still dead in his grandmother's house.

I felt like a knight in one of those old stories, I was on a quest. The first thing I found was that those stories lied. You don't always get the girl and the knight doesn't always win. sometimes he get eaten up by the monster and then spit out. It happened to me a couple of times.

One day I found a girl and she was alive, but no matter how long I was with her, her "alive-ness" never rubbed off on me. I said all the things she said and did things she wanted me to do, but it never stuck. What was I to do...

One morning I woke up and did something I've never done before. I took a breath. I took it all in and let it all out. It hurt at first because I never used my lungs...I was dead. After breathing for awhile I notice that the world was differnt. I could tell who was alive andwho was still dead. I found a woman that was alive and life with her is great. I don't smell like death anymore and I was able to get some new clothes in to proccess.

I still feel hurt and I still feel pain. I still don't understand everything and some things have remained unclear. The difference is that now I'm alive and know what it means to live

Not sure what to call this

So I'm here in Thailand and I can't seem to get over this cold. I had a good meeting yesterday, and busniess is don't for the most part but I'm not feeling this trip. I need to keep in high spirits because this will be my last Thailand trip for almot 2 years.

I have had a chance to see some people that I haven't seen in a long time. It does my heart good to see them moving in their carrers. I hope that they felt the same for me when I left the West. I also see some things in the people I work with that has been the same from the begining of time. I'm 32 but people still look at me like I'm the kid. It comes from people not knowing me our what I can do...or what I have done. I don't know why this gets to me the way it does. i guess it's because I don't have anyone here really to talk to about it.

As I watch the curser blink at me I think about hoe no one knows of this blog and if I should really post this. I've 0 hits in 6 months so I am more free to express myself. That is another thing. I have spent the last 3 years keeping it bottled in. Everything, you know, like how I feel, What I do, and what I want to do. I have just kept it all under the radar. Well, this Fatkid needs to go eat breakfast. Til next time this is Fatkid saying "LET IT OUT!"

U2 songs to replace Hyms

Got this artice off of Yahoo and thought it was intresting. Fatkid fans tell me what you thing of U2 songs being sung in church.

LONDON (Reuters) - For Anglicans who still haven't found what they're looking for, the Church of England is staging its first "U2-charist" communion service -- replacing hymns with hit songs by the Irish supergroup.
"Rock music can be a vehicle of immense spirituality," said Bishop of Grantham Timothy Ellis, announcing plans for the unique service in the central English town of Lincoln in May.
A live band is to play U2 classics like "Beautiful Day" and "Mysterious Ways" with special singalong lyrics displayed on a giant screen. Seating for the 500-strong congregation is to be re-arranged so everyone can dance and wave their hands.
The service is to focus on the Millennium development goals -- U2's lead singer Bono is a leading promoter of the targets to alleviate world poverty.

Sometimes you feel like a Spit Bag

Culture has always been an intresting topic to me. Just the way people look at so many things differently. One of those things that Westerners and Chinese look at differnty is spitting in public. I have been all over this great country of China and the one thing that Ihave notices is that EVERYONE spits. From the richest to the poorest this is just a habit that people have. Chinese think nothing of it and don't consider it rude. However, with the Olympics being hosted in Beijing next year locals here are thinking about the image that they want the world to see.

Here In Shanghai the public health office has come up with and idea to help with this spitting problem. They want to give cabbies bags to spit in while they drive... I know it sounds gross because it is. I can see it now, a nice warm day at the Bund lookinng at the river and feeling the breeze when all of the sudden a soggy bag of spit comes flying at you at 60 mph.

There are other concers as well. Many of you have seen that driving and traffic laws are differnt in other parts of the world. Well Shanghai is no exception. It is a large city of about 20 million and there are a lot of cars on the road. The cabbies here really have to be good inorder not to get hit and to get anywhere in the city. While soome seem to be in training for their next F1 race most cabbies can do the job. What we don't need is something to distract them for driving. I can see the headlines now: "Cabbie Crashes Lookinng for Spit Bag" or "American Throws Up In Cab As Spit Bag Lands In His Lap...Then Cabbie Crashes"

The health office here wants to give 45,000 bags to cabbies. Here is and intresting thought. There are 45,000 cabs with at least two drivers per car. That means that there are more than 90,000 cabbies in the city. Some here have estimated that there are about 270,000 cabbies in the city. so at the lowest estimate of 90,000 that means that cabbies would have to double up on the bags. And is that for just one day? Are these people to share for more than one day? The health offices plan is leaking like a soggy bag of spit. Just something to think about.

Tell me what you think out there in Blog land. Til next time this is Fatkid saying " is that a bird, a plane...it's a flying bag of SPLAT!"