Echo

Well, the echo here is very clear. Blogging on Myspace is almost like a contest. Here it is more like talking to yourself. That's more that alright with me. I need a place that I can write my thoughts and not really concern myself with who is reading them.
I had a good day today. It is one of the first in a real long time. Ever since the surgery I have not been the same. My upper lip is still numb and stiff. It has effected the way that I speak and has caused me to shy away from things that I normally would have no trouble with. I try to tell myself that it is just one more thing, like getting older. It doesn't work. My job is speaking, and now I have a rough time with that. I wish that I had some outlet to let people know what is going on in my head. Oh to be free...
I have been noticing somethings around here, and noticing the people as well. The team is in a constant state of flux, and that makes it hard to make solid friendships. Still, for the person that doesn't mind change it works. I thought I was one of those people, but as I get older I want something to be the same. I want it always to be the same. Just one thing.
I grew up overseas. My life from as far back as I can remember has always involved moving to distant lands, and sacrificing relationships with family and friends. I learned that work was important and sometimes, the most inconvienient times, came befor family. It was always for someone else. this has pasted through me to the present. I seem to be worried about others that I forget myself. I do not have it all together. I feel like some have set me up, and that I and in a place I do not deserve. I feel like I have to be at the top of my game all the time. Inspite of what I am going through. I have to overcome the surgery as soon as possible or even sooner. I have to work at 100% when I'm sick. I have to fill in the gaps because no one else will. I must, I must, I must...
So I am ranting and raging here in the hollow of the internet. All I hear back is an echo and that is alright with me.