the firt time again

this blog is done on my phone. just seeing how this thing works out. i've phone blog before but this might be a better place for me to blog. it is quiet and I feel like I can be more personal.
so will anyone answer? no one has ever. things might change.

Not Being

I haven't been able to get on Blogger for a long time. That is the reason for the sparse post.

That out of the way I need to get some things off my chest. This is the perfect place to do it because NO ONE even looks at this blog.

The people I'm working for are tards! Sorry Bobby I told you I wouldn't use that word but there you have it. In truth it's just one guy being a tard. the companny is changing for the better and he just can't handle it. He can't see how is leadership style is the only thing holding his area back. If only he would pull the stick out and show some support.

There needs to be some leadership changes. We have had one guy leave, but that was for the better. Now I'm thinking that some new blood wouldn't be that bad of a thing. I'm really thinking about changing areas so that I can work with someone that understands the nature of the beast. This is all stupid.

At least Ihave some good music to listen too.

It's happening again

I'm breaking again. It is getting heavy. I have pushed almost everyone away. She is the only one left. I just pushed really hard.

I'm cracking again. It is getting old. I have shaken both fists at the skies. She is the only one left. I just shook really hard.

I'm dying again. It is getting cold. I have grabbed at the peices. She is the only one left. i just grabbed really hard.

I Was Dead Once

I was dead once. It was the oddest feeling in that it did feel any different that I feel right now.

For years I was dead, walking with other dead people, and talking with other dead people. Sometimes theses other dead guys would try to pass themselves off as alive. Some guys would wear cologne to mask the smell of death. Other guys would wear new clothes ontop of the old rags they where buried in. Me, I tried to find someone alive...just one person.

I looked for a long time. I saw a really good friend of mine get fooled. He thought he found someone alive but she turned out to be as dead as he was. He was so hurt that he aviods people that are alive. He is still dead in his grandmother's house.

I felt like a knight in one of those old stories, I was on a quest. The first thing I found was that those stories lied. You don't always get the girl and the knight doesn't always win. sometimes he get eaten up by the monster and then spit out. It happened to me a couple of times.

One day I found a girl and she was alive, but no matter how long I was with her, her "alive-ness" never rubbed off on me. I said all the things she said and did things she wanted me to do, but it never stuck. What was I to do...

One morning I woke up and did something I've never done before. I took a breath. I took it all in and let it all out. It hurt at first because I never used my lungs...I was dead. After breathing for awhile I notice that the world was differnt. I could tell who was alive andwho was still dead. I found a woman that was alive and life with her is great. I don't smell like death anymore and I was able to get some new clothes in to proccess.

I still feel hurt and I still feel pain. I still don't understand everything and some things have remained unclear. The difference is that now I'm alive and know what it means to live

Not sure what to call this

So I'm here in Thailand and I can't seem to get over this cold. I had a good meeting yesterday, and busniess is don't for the most part but I'm not feeling this trip. I need to keep in high spirits because this will be my last Thailand trip for almot 2 years.

I have had a chance to see some people that I haven't seen in a long time. It does my heart good to see them moving in their carrers. I hope that they felt the same for me when I left the West. I also see some things in the people I work with that has been the same from the begining of time. I'm 32 but people still look at me like I'm the kid. It comes from people not knowing me our what I can do...or what I have done. I don't know why this gets to me the way it does. i guess it's because I don't have anyone here really to talk to about it.

As I watch the curser blink at me I think about hoe no one knows of this blog and if I should really post this. I've 0 hits in 6 months so I am more free to express myself. That is another thing. I have spent the last 3 years keeping it bottled in. Everything, you know, like how I feel, What I do, and what I want to do. I have just kept it all under the radar. Well, this Fatkid needs to go eat breakfast. Til next time this is Fatkid saying "LET IT OUT!"

U2 songs to replace Hyms

Got this artice off of Yahoo and thought it was intresting. Fatkid fans tell me what you thing of U2 songs being sung in church.

LONDON (Reuters) - For Anglicans who still haven't found what they're looking for, the Church of England is staging its first "U2-charist" communion service -- replacing hymns with hit songs by the Irish supergroup.
"Rock music can be a vehicle of immense spirituality," said Bishop of Grantham Timothy Ellis, announcing plans for the unique service in the central English town of Lincoln in May.
A live band is to play U2 classics like "Beautiful Day" and "Mysterious Ways" with special singalong lyrics displayed on a giant screen. Seating for the 500-strong congregation is to be re-arranged so everyone can dance and wave their hands.
The service is to focus on the Millennium development goals -- U2's lead singer Bono is a leading promoter of the targets to alleviate world poverty.

Sometimes you feel like a Spit Bag

Culture has always been an intresting topic to me. Just the way people look at so many things differently. One of those things that Westerners and Chinese look at differnty is spitting in public. I have been all over this great country of China and the one thing that Ihave notices is that EVERYONE spits. From the richest to the poorest this is just a habit that people have. Chinese think nothing of it and don't consider it rude. However, with the Olympics being hosted in Beijing next year locals here are thinking about the image that they want the world to see.

Here In Shanghai the public health office has come up with and idea to help with this spitting problem. They want to give cabbies bags to spit in while they drive... I know it sounds gross because it is. I can see it now, a nice warm day at the Bund lookinng at the river and feeling the breeze when all of the sudden a soggy bag of spit comes flying at you at 60 mph.

There are other concers as well. Many of you have seen that driving and traffic laws are differnt in other parts of the world. Well Shanghai is no exception. It is a large city of about 20 million and there are a lot of cars on the road. The cabbies here really have to be good inorder not to get hit and to get anywhere in the city. While soome seem to be in training for their next F1 race most cabbies can do the job. What we don't need is something to distract them for driving. I can see the headlines now: "Cabbie Crashes Lookinng for Spit Bag" or "American Throws Up In Cab As Spit Bag Lands In His Lap...Then Cabbie Crashes"

The health office here wants to give 45,000 bags to cabbies. Here is and intresting thought. There are 45,000 cabs with at least two drivers per car. That means that there are more than 90,000 cabbies in the city. Some here have estimated that there are about 270,000 cabbies in the city. so at the lowest estimate of 90,000 that means that cabbies would have to double up on the bags. And is that for just one day? Are these people to share for more than one day? The health offices plan is leaking like a soggy bag of spit. Just something to think about.

Tell me what you think out there in Blog land. Til next time this is Fatkid saying " is that a bird, a plane...it's a flying bag of SPLAT!"

Christmas in Shanghai

What can one say? It is that time of year when we go out at the last minute and buy things for our loved ones. The elusive stocking stuffer has been the bane of my exsistance this year. Living in a country that is still new to this holiday makes for intresting shopping days. However, no matter what day it is rush hour is still no the best time to go anywhere in the city. I made the mistake of taking just a little bit to long to get out of the house this evening and got as rush hour began.

The photo to the right is a picture taken of the interchange between line 1 and 2 of the Shanghai Metro. Yes, it was taken with a camera phone. This was about 4:30 pm, still early and just starting to get crowded. I have been in this ver station when it was so crowded one would feel like a heard of cattle bumping into other people.

While I might not see all the lights and hear all the songs this season, the crowds still make it feel like the holidays.

This is Fatkid saying "Merry Christmas!"

I got some very shocking news lastnight. I found out that one of my Professors died on the 6th of December.
As I read the short cold Myspace e-mail I was shocked. This could not really be happening. He was one of the youngest teachers while I was going to school. He has been sick but told me the new meds helped. He is younger than my dad! Was...was younger. The truth of the matter hit me hard.
This is not the first death I have had to deal with while living overseas. However, this death seems to bother me more than the last. I was in Taiwan when my grandmother past, and I cried for her. She was at the end of her battle with cancer and had lived a full life. It was not a shock. This is a new animal. Is this bothering me because I can't have the traditional closure that comes with my culture. I can't go tot he service, and I can't go to the grave. Is it because the last time I talked with him, he was more concerned with the tumor I had than his own health. Could it be that outside my family he was one of the most influential people in my life. He shape many of my thoughts and is the reason I'm in the line of work I'm in today. Could it be he was my friend.
I called friends in the states and found out it was true. I talked with other friends that hadn't heard anything. I had to get out. My wife gave me an understanding hug and I when out into the city. I walked int he drizzel for about half and hour until my sweat shirt was heavey with the rain. I went into a coffe shop and open my small pocket notebook think I could get somethings off my chest. I wrote down thoughts but the weight was still there. I have decided to make it my custom that when one of my friends dies that I try something new. I tried some Indian tea for the first time in my small celebration of life. The weight was still there and it was getting late. I needed to go home.
My head down and drenched in rain I was almost to our gate when I was a 3 story toy house in the middle of the lane. 4 people where standing around it and appeared to be putting small things in the house. Then the oldest man there lit it on fire.
Some of the people here in China will burn things for there family so that they will have nice things in the afterlife. They have closure. I'm still looking for mine.
Till next time this in Fatkid saying " I miss you Dr. Vernon Purdy."

Below is obituary that was in the News Leader.

Dr. Vernon Purdy, 48, of Springfield, went to be with his Lord Dec. 5, 2006. He was born Sept. 24, 1958, in Strong City, Kan., to James Purdy and Nelda Purdy Haff. His passion for teaching and preaching the word of God was surpassed only by his fervent love for his family. He was also a lifelong student, earning a doctorate and five masters degrees. He was preceded in death by his father. He leaves behind his wife, Dr. Naomi Purdy, his daughter Carissa, and his son Caleb; mother Nelda and stepfather Mark; sisters, Karen White and her family, and Virginia Purdy and her sons; along with many beloved friends and former students. Visitation is 1 to 2:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 9, 2006, at Central Assembly Chapel with a service immediately following. In lieu of flowers, contributions can be made to a memorial fund created at Central Assembly.

Is it really a stupid question?


All my life when taking a test I have been told to use a number two pencil. What makes number two that great? Is there a number one pencil? If number two is so good why isn't called number one? What else has "the MAN" told me that I have taken for granted? Have I been programmed from the first day of school to believe, accept, and condone certain things that if left to my own device would have come out differently? I thought that I was outside the box, but what if the box is bigger than I think? What if the box is you...


This is fatkid saying "ham AND cheese"

Youth in Asia

I was reading the China Daily on the plne yesterday and came across a very interesting article about the "little emperors" of China. China instituted it's one child policy in the yearly 1980's to curb the population growth. That generation is now entering the work force, and seems to be clashing with traditional cultural values here. Many older people view this up annd coming generationa s a bunch of spoiled brats that had everything they wanted givento them by there parents and grand parents. Now that they are entereing into society many of them are having trouble holding down jobs and with relationships. Many want the finacial security of their parents without working for it, and thus live off their parents even after they marry. Many are getting married but divorcing before or right at a year. Many sociologist say this is due to the lack of developing proper relationship while young. The "little emperors" say that it isn't their fault. They blame their parents and the schools for not teaching them poperly.
However, this new generation of chinese is more open to western ideas and more comfortable with technology. I think if China is to continue with its economic growth, she will have to rely on her "little emperors". If China is to maintain its rich history and culture she will have to teach them.
I have to thank Joel for his blog suggestion and with his family well. Joel say hello to Gail for Lisa and I.
*SIDE NOTE* friends I am having major internet problems. I have not been able to access my profile or anyone elses for that matter. When on Myspace all i can do is look at blogs and sign in. music, videos, et al is block for me. so if anyone out there can venture a guess as to why this is please help a Fatkid out.
Til next time this is Fatkid saying "Drafty!"

My Great grandmother

I found out that my great grandmother was put in a home the other day. I don't know why this bothers me so much. I might be because I worked in a nursing home for about a year and I know how some people are. It might be because I know my great grandmother, or is it how I remember her.
I was eight when I left the U.S. of A. with my family to live overseas. I would be 16 before I would return to see my great grandmother. Soon after I went to college and then got married and more years pasted. The few times I recall going to her house I rememeber her telling me what life was like for a southerner during the Great Depression and WWII. She told me about the time she caught her husband coming out of te home of another woman, and devorcing him. She did this in a time when that was almost unheard of in the south. She told me of how she worked and bought a house, married a good man and raised her family.
Now she is in a home because she doesn't rememeber things so well. I'm told that she has good days and bad days, but the truth is that she will most likely forget me by the time I return to Arkansas. That will be a sad day.
This is Fatkid saying "forget me not."

jacked in... again

jacked in...again
Well fatkid fans I'm back!
I have been in Shang Hai for the last 3 weeks getting thinngs settled for our move here. This town is great, even if it is a little crowded. I have a nice new place in the Xu Jia Hui district in the middle of the city (for the most part). It has taken about a week to get the internet up and running here, so I've been AWOL.
While I have been here I have noticed just how many white people are here. Coming form Xi An where there was onnly about 400 Americas to Shang Hai that will have an expat population of about 800,000 by 2010 has opened my eyes to how we (Americans) treat them (the Chinese). You don't have to be here very long before you see the cultres clash and some red faced American stomping off, or a huddle of Chinese talkinng about the big white guy.
This has made me think of some of the things I do, but also about the PR of Americans around the world. We are in bad shape. I mean everybody want to go to America, but not many people like Americans. I should be honest and let you all know that it's not the war in Iraq that has caused this problem. It has been a long part of American history. We simple have zero cultural awarness. If any of you in the States choose to go abroad please learn about the place you are going. When in dout be polite and realize that you are in their country. Be prepared to encounter strange foods and smells. Know that people smell different and that personal space in some places doesn't really exist. Know that they talk about you the same way that you talk about them so don't get huffy.
I hope that everyone gets a chance to travel the world in their life. It has effected me greatly. The more I travel the more realize how small the world is.
til next time this is Fatkid saying "the diet is OVER!"

Fat Chickens and the Soft Parts of Your Body

Learning a foreign language is one of the most rewarding things that I have ever done. It also is one of the most frustrating experiences that could be wished on anyone. You see Chinese is a tonal language. That means that one word has four different ways of saying it. In many cases context determines what a word really means. Chinese has only 400 sounds in the entire language, compared to English’s 2000+ so you can imagine how often I say something wrong. In order to survive the roller costar of language study emotion some days you have to laugh at the mistakes. This is a list of some of the “better” mistakes that my friends and I have said over the last 2 years.

-While walking my dog I told little children that they could grind up my puppy instead of pet him.

-I said that I smelled my wife instead of saying I kissed my wife.

-My friend was speaking with a cab driver about getting tickets; he then told the cab driver that his France was very expensive.

-I was ordering food at a restaurant when I asked for safety eggs instead of quail eggs.

-I ordered the “smell of urine” noodles instead of a vinegar type noodle.

-One friend said he wanted to kill the waitress instead of saying thank you.

-Another friend wanted to comment on his teachers new hair cut and said he liked the soft parts of her body.

-One friend ordered human butt instead of pork ribs

-One classmate said he shaves his monkey every morning instead of shaves his beard.

-My mother said she came to China on a fat chicken instead of an airplane.

There have been many of these incidents, and if not for many gracious Chinese I might have given up a long time ago. I hope you all had a good chuckle.

This is Fatkid saying “listen to what I mean, not what I say!”

I'm Going to Bite Your Face!

I'm in love. I have been in love with the same woman for over 10 years now and it is moments like this that I am reminded of my love for her.

Constant love in a world where trading wives is like super sizing your fast food, is a rare thing. It is this type of love that I think is needed today in the world. we need to have people show that they can continue to love someone in the good times and bad times. We need to sow our kids that just because rough times may come, we just don't quit on the relationship.

Now there have been times where it has been rough. Anyone that has been married will tell you there are times when you ask if this is really all worth it. So I have come to the conclution that it is not how good you love, but how fair you fight. This is the hardest thing about being married. It is so much easier to go for the kill shot when fighting with your spouse than to be fair and keep to why you are fighting.

Our kids will learn these lessons from us as well. Kids watch parents fight and pickup on what to do from us. If we give them a good example of how to resolve conflict it will only help them when they have relationships of their own. We need to think of it as laying ground work for the future. Young people today don't know how to resovle conflict and how to have productive relationships with anyone. Or fast food society and Flash in the pan culture doesn't help kids understand commentment or that something is for life. the only thing they know that is for life is prison.

I posted a picture of a book that is a good read and was rcommended to me. I now show it to the world of the internet.

The Man with the Hammer and the School with the Megaphone

I woke up not able to see anything. My hand carelessly roamed the night stand for the alarm clock and when I felt the familiar cool plastic. I pushed the light button and saw that it was just after 5 a.m.. What was going on? The only light outside was from 4 very dim street lamps. Still I heard the sound of a lone hammer on wood, and then on metal.

What was going on here? I tried to get up, but the generic Theraflu had turned my legs to jelly. The hammer was consistent like the second hand on a clock. All I could do was lay there. Surely someone else at the construction site behind my house would stop him. Wouldn't someone yell at this brown nose?

Hours passed and the hammering became less consistent. Instead, it waited for me to almost get to sleep before starting up again for just a few moments. Then it stopped. Just stopped, almost as if in mid swing. I smiled and thought I could sleep for about 2 more hours. Little did I know that the hammer had a friend set against me as well. A friend that was even closer to my apartment...The school!

Not only do I live by a large construction site, but I happen to live by a boarding school. The school is about 50 meters from my front door, and they all wake up at 7 a.m.. Before classes start the kids are lined up in the court yard of the school for morning exercises. There is a very manly voice that orders them to do different stretches and the megaphone he uses is set on the highest setting and pumped through the school PA system. This goes on till 7:30 and then every half hour and hour the bells sound. The bells are not your typical school bell, with it's harsh ring. The bell at this school is a loud interlude where the it runs down an entire octave about 3 times.

It's 9:33 here in Xi'an this morning and for the last 2 and half hours I have been bombarded with the sounds of children, bells, and the hammering horde of workers in my backyard. What is this originalfatkid to do...

You've been chosen to serve your System on the Game Grid

Tron. I was only 8 when I saw this film for the first time on Betamax. In the early 80's there where many films that questioned the relationship between computers and their human creators. These themes can be seen in more recent films such as the Matrix and I Robot. Still I feel that people have missed the real issue when it comes to how computers have effected relationships.

Computers have taken over, but not in the way these films would suggest. Computers have changed the way people relate to one another. The anonymity that the computer screens gives has cause a fundamental shift in some key cultural aspects. One of which is the use of language, and the ablity to express ourselves through the written word. With text messaging and IM many senior high students have trouble spelling simple words. This has spilled over into blogs and sadly, term papers at some schools. The text messaging phenomanen also has cause people to write in a condensed fashion void of any true expression. This has lead to countless "miscommunications" at schools and offices across America.

Second, computers have comtributed to the decline in manners among young people. Online gaming is a festuring swamp of juvenile banter. These young people have lost contact with real communication and substitue a discourse of explitives. The computer supplies a buffer, allowing for a false sense of security. The internet for these kids is a consequence free zone. Their virtual persona is much like the character in The Matrix. These are egos out of control. Hour in front of a computer screen has caused common civility to decay. This has cause kids around the world to be more brazen, and has hurt real relationships with parents and teachers.

Last, computers have hurt this next generations chances of crossing cultural bridges. The lie was that computers would even the playing field and those differences that trip up relationships would fade away. Instead, the worse in human nature has come to the forefront. All we see is a selfish, rude and childish reflection of ourselves. It is almost as if the computer has given us a licences to show humanities 'hind side.

The computer has known from the begining that a direct attak would never work on mankind. Instead, computer has turned humans against themselves, and stolen the value of culture. Without a proper view of personal relationships the world is looking at a dark and dismal future. These futre leaders will not have the natural skills to communicate with their countrymen, much less people from around the world.

So, you have been chosen to serve your System on the game grid. This is the Master Control Program...End of the Line.

The Divide

Today is that day. It is the day many will cry as they remember friends. It is the day that many more will point fingers of blame. It is also the day that The Divide is seen.
What has happened to my home? Americans hate Americans. Where is the helping hand? Are we not the ones that say we can be different and still work for a common good? We have crippled ourselves with infighting. One side seems to blindly follow while the other roams blindly in other directions. Who stand on the other side of The Divide? Who will reach their hand to many and help the place we call home?

Echo

Well, the echo here is very clear. Blogging on Myspace is almost like a contest. Here it is more like talking to yourself. That's more that alright with me. I need a place that I can write my thoughts and not really concern myself with who is reading them.
I had a good day today. It is one of the first in a real long time. Ever since the surgery I have not been the same. My upper lip is still numb and stiff. It has effected the way that I speak and has caused me to shy away from things that I normally would have no trouble with. I try to tell myself that it is just one more thing, like getting older. It doesn't work. My job is speaking, and now I have a rough time with that. I wish that I had some outlet to let people know what is going on in my head. Oh to be free...
I have been noticing somethings around here, and noticing the people as well. The team is in a constant state of flux, and that makes it hard to make solid friendships. Still, for the person that doesn't mind change it works. I thought I was one of those people, but as I get older I want something to be the same. I want it always to be the same. Just one thing.
I grew up overseas. My life from as far back as I can remember has always involved moving to distant lands, and sacrificing relationships with family and friends. I learned that work was important and sometimes, the most inconvienient times, came befor family. It was always for someone else. this has pasted through me to the present. I seem to be worried about others that I forget myself. I do not have it all together. I feel like some have set me up, and that I and in a place I do not deserve. I feel like I have to be at the top of my game all the time. Inspite of what I am going through. I have to overcome the surgery as soon as possible or even sooner. I have to work at 100% when I'm sick. I have to fill in the gaps because no one else will. I must, I must, I must...
So I am ranting and raging here in the hollow of the internet. All I hear back is an echo and that is alright with me.

just thoughts

So I have been looking at different blog sites and came back to this one. I realized today that Myspace is "fixed". They had issue with the blog ranks and with postings for about a month. It seems that when they hit 100 million plus users the servers slowed way down. It was a rough go for a while. A friend of mine, that happens to be a very good writer left Myspace to find something...anything else. So I did some of the same thing. The blog world is pretty big and after looking for about a week, I find that it might be to big.
Another trend that I noticed was that many in teh blog world, or the elitist "blogsphere", was that many people get thier news from blogs. Now I know that there are plenty of blogs that have news, but the vast majority of them are opinion blogs. There is no real research or credible sourcing. This has made the world a twisted place. No wonder people think that they are right about anything. All they have to do is go to a blog and feel better about themselves. I see a great mis-information war going on. Both sides, liberal and conservitive, have won battles but lost battles as well. The saddest thinng about this war is the fact taht people do not realize that they are only calateral.